Life comes at us fast. We all gotta be faster.

Okay… so I haven’t truly checked my tumblr in a few days… and as small as that seems… it’s actually kind of a big deal… and threatening…
see… after I missed out on one whole day… i was scared to check it… because I have this amazing tendency to check EVERYTHING that’s been posted since the last time I was on….  obviously I can’t do that now without breaking tumblr… because although Im only following like… some 40 people… my dashboard fills up fast…

but yeah alot of crap happened…. the last few days and I keep thinking… oh imma post about this… or imma post about that…. but I never got to it… and I can’t remember much….
the one thing I do remember is I was gonna talk about how much fun it is to clean piss stains off the bottoms of toilets… (cleaned the bathrooms this Sunday) oh joy….

but I do have one thing I want to ….
(total reasonable break…) i looked down and one of those white moths was on my shirt…. staring at me….  I had a HOLY FRAEKING $*@#$ moment….. and I just smooshed it…
poor moth….
( i am not making that up at all ^ the blood stain is on my shirt…)
anyway…. I wanted to talk about one thing…
whole family went to the pool this afternoon.  Our neighborhood is hella big…. supposedly one of the biggest in Missouri (i said supposedly)… and we have two pools for it.  We went to the theme pool (which is fancy term for the pool where all the kids go because its hella shallow (three feet or shallower everywhere except for one small five foot section)  and has a water playground and lazy river and such… but I digress…. 
THERE IS A DEEP THOUGHT HERE… its coming… I swear…

but naturally… we go there… and there’s kids every five feet (THATS WHY THE WATER WAS SOOO WARM….. OHHH…)
(that’s not the deep thought ^)

but I swim for a bit with my little sis and taker around the river and crap…. and then I go sit down and am pretty much done and just chill in the sun…. and after about ten minutes of my mp3… i rage because its outta juice and I hate myself for forgetting to recharge… so I pull out the MO Driver’s manual and start studying and kinda listen to the stuff around me while I’m reading.  and that’s when I look up and not too far off there’s these kids within easy earshot sitting on the edge of the lazy river (it was adult swim…)  and they are all just talking and one of em is randomly shooting water off with his water gun.  Now… the oldest kid in this group was a thirdgrader… which was the guy with the water gun… everyone else was a year or two younger…
so there’s a few of these girls sitting there talking… and then I start focusing on this one little girl… and I listen to her voice and immediately recognize this tone I hate more then life itself.  The tone of one of those just straight out dittsy girly girls who is all nasal and doesn’t know left from right)
And Im sitting there at first… and quite honestly i’m like… wtf? she’s freaking six (maybe seven)  How does she even know how to sound/act like that????

and THEN…. oh god… then I start listening to what she’s saying… and I pick up the words “WELL SHE’S NOT INTO YOU” (and yes with the attitude you would expect from those words) and then I hear the third grade kid and he’s like yeah…. blah blah blah… and I realize that these EARLY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL kids are talking about relationships….
again…. another WTF? moment….
What on God’s wonderful green earth could they POSSIBLY know about relationships.  Seriously?!!??!

And then I end up listening/watching that one ditsy girl for the rest of the while we’re there and I swear… It’s not stereotyping if she’s playing her freaking part.  She was like that the whole time…. just full of attitude.  SHE’S SIX YEARS OLD!?!?!? HOW!??!?!?! WHY!!??!?!?!  She even got snooty with my sis.  She was walking up asking to play with them (she’s only four) and there was this one littler girl with them and the ditsy girl is all like… “Well yeah, you TWO can go play together… OVER THERE…” and even does this little sweeping hand motion

Wooooooooowwwww………

My point in all that mess of a story… I’ve always heard and read and seen stuff about kids growing up faster and faster these days… but I honestly never thought it was THIS bad.  I mean… this isn’t a suicide story of a ten year old… but it still is an earth shaker to me (btw I slept through a 4.8 earthquake last night)
I heard/saw other kids today too… I saw this five or six year old boy cussing like a sailor.  I saw two young boys talking like they were locker room buddies.  I mean…. it all looks so wrong.  We have Elementary kids trying to be High Schoolers!!??!? 
honestly where does this stop?  How do they even know to act like that?  I mean… is it our media?  Is it the state of American families?  Government? school?  idk… it’s sad though… and very oddly disturbing.

Every time I hear about an extremely young girl getting pregnant… I cringe.  I mean…. think about it… the responsibility and severity of pregnancy… and nowadays girls as early as 11 years old can get pregnant?!??!  That’s horrible!!! That’s sick!!!  WHO SUPPORTS THAT KIND OF BULL!!!!!!  For real… I’m getting lose here… but I’m being serious… ITS ALL FREAKING CRAP!!!
I HATE THIS WORLD…. I FREAKING HATE IT!!!
Every day I see another reason why suicide is so logical to some people.  I’m not saying Im suicidal… but I don’t blame them for it anymore.  There’s so much sick shit in this world.  I can’t describe it any other way.
It’s morale-less, Godless, and heartless.  It makes me sick.  sick to my stomach.

But yeah… Im sorry for raging… and making this epic long post.  And sorry for not being on the last few days (if you actually care that is, or have read this far for that matter)
But thanks to my new followers! (:  thanks to all you people who follow me in general.  And thank you world for being so jacked up I can write a book in a tumblr post about how you corrupt our youth.  yeah…..

i think I should bury this moth 0.0  it looks so sad and dead sitting here on the floor…..

XDD

night Tumblr! :D
God Bless

I’ve feared the deepest darkest secrets that live inside of me.
Defeat and tragedy, walking in shame, finding nowhere to hide.
I’ve thrown my bottles of guilt into the sea, hoping the waves carry them away from me.

Oh….

My heart is beating. I’ll never stop fighting. I’ll keep breathing…
My heart is beating. I’ll never stop fighting. I’ll keep breathing to stay
alive.

And here I go, off to make a change. I’m screaming… screaming revival.

All of my strength, all of my might, will go into this to take back my life.
All of my strength, all of my might, will go back into this to take back my
life…
…my life… my life… my life. I’m taking back my life… my life… my
life… my life… taking back my life.

Let’s go….

This song is music to my ears… (this song is music…)
and is a new production on an old stage (…on an old stage).
I won’t dwell in unhappiness (I will not dwell in…), grasping humility,
asking forgiveness.
Tomorrow is gone, I’ll start living for today. I’ll never stop the fighting and
I’ll take it all away.
Tomorrow is gone, I’ll start living for today. I’ll never stop the fighting and
I’ll take it away

August Burns Red — Internal Cannon

_______________________________________

Okay… even if you’re not a a metalhead like me… trust me when I say if you just listen to this whole song, and read the lyrics along… you’ll find a connection for it.  I believe it talks about something very real that is relative to ALL OF US.  We all suffer pain in our lives, but we need to overcome that pain, and pull ourselves out of it.  Nobody is going to truly do that for us.  We may get help, but ultimately, it’s up to us in the end.  By our own willpower can we overcome the things that bother us.
Also, this song breaks into some epic salsa grooves every once in a while XD

So even if you’re like “EWWW METAL! EWWW SCREAMING!”  Just please listen to it once.  And see how you feel afterwards.  I haven’t always been a fan of metal, so believe me when I say it is bearable and can grow on you.
Metal more often then not talks about real, deep, and meaningful feelings we have.  It is extremely heartfelt music, and once you comprehend that, the screaming and growling makes a little more sense.

Of course you don’t have too.  You could just read all this and be like “Nah!”  or not even read this at all and just zoom by as you go through the billions of tumblr posts on your dashboard.  It’s all up to you (:
Have an awesome day tumblr peepz!

Okay… so I wake up this morning….
fairly late… I’ve only been up for an hour…
and of course, like any good nerd… I go straight down to my cave and get on my computer… I’m all psyched cause I want to see if my download of the Black Ops multiplayer finished (they are having a free weekend to play it on Steam)
it did… I was stoked.
My computer could barely run it because my graphics card and cpu suck…. I got pissed.
i wish my new computer was fixed -.-

So i got on tumblr…
checked out some such, read a few awesome messages in my ask…
and then began noticing everytime I refreshed the dashboard…. these pictures kept showing up in the radar.
I say it like that because it seems all these pictures were/are of rainbows, fairies, and unicorns….

ummmmm….. ?????
is that intentional…. or just some freak accident of nature? o.O

nothing like coming home and spending twenty minutes or more going through the two billion posts or so that happened between now and this morning…. o.o
I have to admit though… I don’t mind it… it’s enjoyable… and I get to see some cool stuff…. and then not so cool stuff….

I feel bad though cause then I start just reblogging all these cool pictures I find and then I feel like I’m going to turn into one of those blogs that’s nothing but pictures and crap…
do you realize how few people actually sit down to blog deep, carried on, and meaningful thoughts…
i mean… not to be rude… but if I wanna see a billion pictures… I’ll go google or bing surfing.  I’m on here to hear other people’s opinions, and become their friends (not just a follower) and such and do all that other great tumblr stuff…
I would love to read a few more personal thoughts and a little less reblogs sometime is what I’m trying to say I guess.
I mean yeah I get it, someone can say everything you have to say in a single picture… but still… there’s something that in your mind.
idk… I guess i shouldn’t be saying how others run their tumblr. XP

anyway… I had a cool weekend… hung out with some good friends… had a blasty blast friday :D looking forward to a hopefully even better one this week.
finals… yeah those can go die.  they suck.
and my computer teacher beat me again at chess today -.-
blah…

but yeah… that’s my such and my thoughts…
if you read this… thanks…. you’re cool…. you get a highfive :D
-highfive-
Have an awesomemacious day tumblr peepz!
God bless (:

I just realized I have this amazing little button on my tumblr that looks like a file cabinet, and its an archive that shows all my posts in this little brick-tile visual format… 0.0 all the way back to my first one….
i was like “OH MY FLIPPIN GOODNESS”
mainly because… i realized how weird my first posts were, considering I know nothing about blogging 0.0
and that I didn’t know my tumblr was that fancy… or what half the buttons on my page do XD
I’m scared to click the rest… I’ll just feel less intelligent X)

just a moment of shock to be shared…