Thousand Foot Krutch — Outta Control
It makes me tired and sick. I can literally shed tears about it. All the vile depression in this world. All the hatred, violence, and loss of hope. It makes me SICK. I want to fight it. I want to fight every ounce of it. I have a hatred for hatred itself. I want to watch it die under my feet. Every last ounce of it. All the sick people out there, all those hurting, all those lost. Everyone who is plagued day and night by the horrors of humanity. I WANT TO KILL IT ALL! I want to be the one who can step in and just shove a sword through hatreds missing heart. I want to remove the head of sickness’s vile body. I want to DESTROY IT ALL. It makes me sick. I seriously pray to God that he would give me the ability, the right, SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I SHED TEARS OVER THIS. I just read a post from a kid promising to commit suicide tomorrow. It makes me sick!!! IT ALL MAKES ME SO DAMN SICK!!!!!! Not him, but what he’s plagued with. The hatred, the depression. The lost feeling he has. Like he’s alone. IT MAKES ME SO SICK!!!! ALL OF IT. I WANT TO KILL IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERY OUNCE OF IT. Why do so many people have to be stricken so hard? WHY WON’T IT DIE! I WANT IT TO DIE! I WANT TO WATCH IT DIE! I WANT TO BE ITS KILLER!
It makes me so unbelievably sick. It makes me angry. I sit here, and get so angry at this world, at the vile people in it, and at all the corruption and vileness it contains. Its become normal now, its become standard. SUICIDE is something common now. ITS COMMON!!!!!!
DO YOU REALIZE WHAT IS SO SICKLY WRONG WITH THAT FORSAKEN IDEA!?!??!?!
IT SHOULDN’T BE COMMON! GO INTERVIEW A DANG HIGHSCHOOL. ALLL THIS CRAP! ALL OF IT. SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, BULIMICS, CUTTERS…. All these despicable, horrible, vile things. AND ITS ALL COMMON! ITS ALL EXPECTED. ALL OF IT IS THERE, AND ITS MEANING AND SEVERITY IS MISUSED AND ABUSED ON DAMN TEXTBOOK PAPER!!!! SCREW THAT! SCREW IT!!!!!!! INSTEAD OF HELPING THESE PEOPLE… WE JUST SIT HERE AND TALK ABOUT THEM LIKE THEY’RE A LAB EXPERIMENT?!??!?! YOU WONDER WHY THE HELL THE WORST BECOME WORSE!?!??! NOBODY WANTS TO HELP THEM. JUST SIT THERE AND STARE AT THEM LIKE SOME FREAK OF NATURE. ITS SO DAMN S.I.C.K.
I’m fighting myself just not to type the f word here. I become so unbelievably raged all of these things. It makes me sick. I want to kill it all. All the evil in the world. All the hatred, all the depression, all the hopelessness.
I just want people to be happy. I want them to smile. See some light in the midst a hellishly dark earth. I want to see them LIVE! Not just breathe and walk, but LIVE!!! That’s all I want for them. I want to be the person who can help them. I want to be the one who destroys all their problems. I want to be the one who can turn to them and just in a word, make them remember a reason to be happy. THAT’S ALL I WANT!!! THAT’S ALL I’VE WANTED!! I PRAY TO GOD HE’D GIVE ME SOME MEANS TO DO SO!!!!
Because every day, I wake up, and I go through the day, and when I get home, and I lay down in bed and think. I hate it. I hate it all. I grow a barely containable rage for all the darkness in this world. ALL OF IT. It makes me so angry. How sick and vile our world is. It’s why I don’t sleep. IT MAKES ME SO SICK.
I WANT TO KILL IT ALL! I WANT TO!!!
I WANT TO MUTILATE THEM, BURN THEM, AND LEAVE THEIR METAPHORICAL BODIES TO ROT. EVERY LAST VILE IDEA AND FEELING THAT PLAGUES THIS WORLD. I WANT IT ALL DEAD.
I. WANT. TO. KILL. IT. ALL.
What makes it so hard for people? Why can’t they come out and say something to your face? I never quite get it. It’s like no matter how well someone gets to know you, when push comes to violent shoves, they choose to forget the things that truly bother you. They shove them in your face like a disease.
If you have a problem with me, spare me the hell of playing freaking games with me. TELL ME TO MY FACE. I can freaking handle it. Don’t think I can’t. I’d rather hear it from your mouth than sit there and have people think they’re sheltering me somehow, or worst of all, try and ignore it all, and just push me out with no rhyme or reason.
THAT PISSES ME OF SO MUCH. For all the people I come close too, I truly care about them. I want to know what’s going on with them, how they’re feeling and what they think. If you have something to tell me, tell me. Don’t sit there and play these sick little games where you just randomly avoid and ignore me. It infuriates me so much. I will live. Don’t worry, seriously. I’m not going to be shattered, and I won’t be hurt. Anyone would hurt me more by leaving me with unspoken secrets and unshared reasons. To blow me off and leave me clueless is one of the few things on this earth that will open the floodgates of hell in my mind.
Spare me the pain and mental agony. TALK TO ME. That’s all I ask of anyone who is close to me. Just talk to me.
I don’t want these sick games. They make me sick. Honestly they make me want to cry, not in sadness, but just in anger, and confusion. I just want to be able to talk to the people I care about. I want to be able to love them. When there’s a problem, I don’t want drama war 2011 to break out. I just want to be able to talk those people. An honest and sincere conversation. No drama, no showing off, no hate. Just me and them. A straight conversation, and what is honestly going through both our minds.
Is it all so hard? Is it too much to ask for? Honestly…
The people of today’s world make everything so damned complicated, and then blame everyone else for the complications. I’ve seen so much drama in high school within the last few weeks. And I sit there and think… HOW FREAKING POINTLESS!!! I see these people, and they get into these huge drama fits with each other, over the SMALLEST crap… sometimes its over nothing…
Why??? WHAT IS THE POINT. WE ARE WASTING OUR LIVES OVER NOTHING!!!!!!!!!
Get real everyone. Its not that hard. Wake up for five seconds and actually THINK! Granted I do too much of that, and I sound like a maniac for it. But I don’t care, its allowed me to see some of the things it feels like everyone else is missing.
Being the insane one to an insane world only makes me all the more sane.
I’m done ranting now. XD