I live. I am human. I am a teenager. I am a guy. I live for something greater. I struggle with the basics. I groan at the usual. But I keep living to do what has been asked of me.
You can call me Speedy.
I'm here to reach out to the ones I love and care for. Once in a while I'll get sentimental, or deep, and probably blog something like it.
My life has simple aims, and a difficult path to them. I deal with it the best I can.
I am Speedy. I am Christian, but do not fear me, for I will love you regardless. I guess this is the chance for anyone who cares, to see the depths of my mind, and everything it holds, dark or bright. Happy or sad.
Read my thoughts or leave them, they are yours to criticize.

Posts Tagged: hypocrite

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The whole world judges us.  But they don’t know us.  They don’t understand us.  They’ve never been us.  And those who claim they have, and left, are lying.  The vow we take is one that can never be broken, and is one we never want to break.  The true love we feel and give out freely is the greatest thing that the human mind could even begin to imagine.
You call us out, and you base the mass of us on the errors of one.  I am here to personally say sorry for that person, for perhaps the fake who takes what we are in vain, or the one of us who became confused and hurt in a world that gave no comfort. 
But please, don’t tear us down, because you simply don’t know us.  Where in history has anything good ever come of that?  Do you really feel so good about yourself when you spit at us, and call us every vile name you can think of, simply because we cannot reach the perfection you expect of us.
We may be Christians, but we are still human.  We still make mistakes.  The whole purpose of our faith, the whole purpose of Christ and his love, was because we make mistakes.  Without our mistakes, there would be no Christianity.  I wouldn’t be here writing about this love that is cursed at by those who do not feel it.
I ask you as a peaceful warrior, to think before you speak.  You may tear us down for one thing after another, but you fail to look at yourself.  What gives you the right or the superiority over us, to call us down for our smallest of failures… for the tiniest of misunderstandings. 
You spit at us, because you don’t know us.  You curse us, because you don’t understand us.  You hurt us, because you want to forget us… but you can’t.
And all that time you spend taking out your anger on something you can’t understand, all we WANT is for you to understand.  To take that one moment, and humble yourself for a few seconds to hear us.   To understand and feel this love.
We love you while you hate us.  We care for you while you push us away.
We will be there for you, when you abandon us.  
And every night, we pray that the day will come when you no longer hate us, push us away, or abandon us.  We pray the day will come when you can stand next to us, smiling, and understanding who we are, because you are who we are.
We wait for the day, when you stand beside us, fighting a hateful world with the greatest weapon man has ever known…
Love.

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I had a thought today.  It made me feel sick.
What if the rapture had happened today?  What if in “the twinkling of an eye.”  All ‘christians’ disappeared. 
I thought today and then I realized… I think I’d still be here.

My life is a lie.  If you’ve ever looked at me and said, “that guy is a christian”
you were lying to yourself, much like i was lying to myself.  I try to be a Christian.  Every Christian tries to be a Christian.  But sometimes I look at myself and a thought screams in my head with a rage unbound.  HYPOCRITE!  YOU HYPOCRITE! LIAR!

Do you realize how sickening that sound feels? I feel like I’ve been shot.  My knees buckle.  I fall down.  I cry.  It’s sick.
I say things I shouldn’t say.  I think thoughts I shouldn’t think.  And I do things I shouldn’t do.  I’ve done things I wish and know I should have never done. 

I’ll sit there and talk to some people, and I’ll spat a few words about Christianity and morales and blah blah this.  And then… I can literally turn around, and be somebody completely different.  I’ve done it on here even.  I HATE IT!!!! I HATE IT SO MUCH!  It makes me want to pull something out of me that I can never reach.  I want to grind my face to the wall just so I can try and find something that hurts more then this. 

I’ll sit there, and freaking convince myself, God will forgive me for it later.
WHAT IS THAT?  WHAT. IS. THAT????

I treat God like a rental service.  I hate myself for it.  I truly hate myself.  I could be so much more, and I act like so much less.

I want to try and change it.  I mean.  God can only give so many second chances…

:/ im not sure.  when i first thought about this post, it seemed there was a brighter side to it…  now I just hate myself more.
I’ve cried so much these past few months.  I’ve made so many mistakes.

I’m sorry. For everything.  To everyone.  I’m sorry.  i don’t know.

I’m done.

Goodnight Tumblr
God Bless