Life comes at us fast. We all gotta be faster.

It makes me tired and sick.  I can literally shed tears about it.  All the vile depression in this world.  All the hatred, violence, and loss of hope.  It makes me SICK.  I want to fight it.  I want to fight every ounce of it.  I have a hatred for hatred itself.  I want to watch it die under my feet.  Every last ounce of it.  All the sick people out there, all those hurting, all those lost.  Everyone who is plagued day and night by the horrors of humanity.  I WANT TO KILL IT ALL!  I want to be the one who can step in and just shove a sword through hatreds missing heart.  I want to remove the head of sickness’s vile body.  I want to DESTROY IT ALL.  It makes me sick.  I seriously pray to God that he would give me the ability, the right, SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.  I SHED TEARS OVER THIS.  I just read a post from a kid promising to commit suicide tomorrow.  It makes me sick!!! IT ALL MAKES ME SO DAMN SICK!!!!!!  Not him, but what he’s plagued with.  The hatred, the depression.  The lost feeling he has.  Like he’s alone.  IT MAKES ME SO SICK!!!! ALL OF IT.  I WANT TO KILL IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EVERY OUNCE OF IT.  Why do so many people have to be stricken so hard?   WHY WON’T IT DIE!  I WANT IT TO DIE!  I WANT TO WATCH IT DIE!  I WANT TO BE ITS KILLER! 

It makes me so unbelievably sick.  It makes me angry.  I sit here, and get so angry at this world, at the vile people in it, and at all the corruption and vileness it contains.  Its become normal now, its become standard.  SUICIDE is something common now.  ITS COMMON!!!!!!

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT IS SO SICKLY WRONG WITH THAT FORSAKEN IDEA!?!??!?!
IT SHOULDN’T BE COMMON!  GO INTERVIEW A DANG HIGHSCHOOL.  ALLL THIS CRAP! ALL OF IT.  SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, BULIMICS, CUTTERS…. All these despicable, horrible, vile things.  AND ITS ALL COMMON! ITS ALL EXPECTED.  ALL OF IT IS THERE, AND ITS MEANING AND SEVERITY IS MISUSED AND ABUSED ON DAMN TEXTBOOK PAPER!!!!  SCREW THAT! SCREW IT!!!!!!!  INSTEAD OF HELPING THESE PEOPLE… WE JUST SIT HERE AND TALK ABOUT THEM LIKE THEY’RE A LAB EXPERIMENT?!??!?! YOU WONDER WHY THE HELL THE WORST BECOME WORSE!?!??! NOBODY WANTS TO HELP THEM. JUST SIT THERE AND STARE AT THEM LIKE SOME FREAK OF NATURE.  ITS SO DAMN S.I.C.K.

I’m fighting myself just not to type the f word here.   I become so unbelievably raged all of these things.  It makes me sick.  I want to kill it all.  All the evil in the world.  All the hatred, all the depression, all the hopelessness. 

I just want people to be happy.  I want them to smile.  See some light in the midst a hellishly dark earth.   I want to see them LIVE!  Not just breathe and walk, but LIVE!!!  That’s all I want for them.  I want to be the person who can help them.  I want to be the one who destroys all their problems.  I want to be the one who can turn to them and just in a word, make them remember a reason to be happy.   THAT’S ALL I WANT!!! THAT’S ALL I’VE WANTED!! I PRAY TO GOD HE’D GIVE ME SOME MEANS TO DO SO!!!!


Because every day, I wake up, and I go through the day, and when I get home, and I lay down in bed and think.  I hate it.  I hate it all.  I grow a barely containable rage for all the darkness in this world.  ALL OF IT.  It makes me so angry.  How sick and vile our world is.  It’s why I don’t sleep.   IT MAKES ME SO SICK. 

I WANT TO KILL IT ALL!  I WANT TO!!!
I WANT TO MUTILATE THEM, BURN THEM, AND LEAVE THEIR METAPHORICAL BODIES TO ROT.  EVERY LAST VILE IDEA AND FEELING THAT PLAGUES THIS WORLD.  I WANT IT ALL DEAD.

I. WANT. TO. KILL. IT. ALL.

The whole world judges us.  But they don’t know us.  They don’t understand us.  They’ve never been us.  And those who claim they have, and left, are lying.  The vow we take is one that can never be broken, and is one we never want to break.  The true love we feel and give out freely is the greatest thing that the human mind could even begin to imagine.
You call us out, and you base the mass of us on the errors of one.  I am here to personally say sorry for that person, for perhaps the fake who takes what we are in vain, or the one of us who became confused and hurt in a world that gave no comfort. 
But please, don’t tear us down, because you simply don’t know us.  Where in history has anything good ever come of that?  Do you really feel so good about yourself when you spit at us, and call us every vile name you can think of, simply because we cannot reach the perfection you expect of us.
We may be Christians, but we are still human.  We still make mistakes.  The whole purpose of our faith, the whole purpose of Christ and his love, was because we make mistakes.  Without our mistakes, there would be no Christianity.  I wouldn’t be here writing about this love that is cursed at by those who do not feel it.
I ask you as a peaceful warrior, to think before you speak.  You may tear us down for one thing after another, but you fail to look at yourself.  What gives you the right or the superiority over us, to call us down for our smallest of failures… for the tiniest of misunderstandings. 
You spit at us, because you don’t know us.  You curse us, because you don’t understand us.  You hurt us, because you want to forget us… but you can’t.
And all that time you spend taking out your anger on something you can’t understand, all we WANT is for you to understand.  To take that one moment, and humble yourself for a few seconds to hear us.   To understand and feel this love.
We love you while you hate us.  We care for you while you push us away.
We will be there for you, when you abandon us.  
And every night, we pray that the day will come when you no longer hate us, push us away, or abandon us.  We pray the day will come when you can stand next to us, smiling, and understanding who we are, because you are who we are.
We wait for the day, when you stand beside us, fighting a hateful world with the greatest weapon man has ever known…
Love.